Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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