turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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