i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
