whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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