Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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