I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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