I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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