my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize