it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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