I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
