also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
farters have to be the big spoon...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My feet surprised me
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