"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
