I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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