you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My bed smells like the plague
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
