His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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