Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
