I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize