You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize