Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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