grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
