Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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