margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
