they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
