omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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