what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
