I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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