ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
