I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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