It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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