I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
