i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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