the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My vagina just clenched in fear
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
