Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
