if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
