i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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