i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
