Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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