my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
