If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
