At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
