She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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