last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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