his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
