woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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