It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Come share oat with me in your robe
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize