I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
try to milk me bitch
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