you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
