oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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