I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize