When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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