she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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