i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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