she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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