I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
