Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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