She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
