You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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