I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
