I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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