I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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