I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
