woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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