She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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