i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
