Pappa wants mamma naked
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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