the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
