the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
