your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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