The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
