I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize