Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
