I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
