is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
