For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
