So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
