The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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