Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
