I smell stomach acid.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
