and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
