mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
