I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
