my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Found the puke drawer
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
