When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
