I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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