you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
