Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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