If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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