I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
