ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
