his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
BRING THE BAGELS
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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