i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
