yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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