Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Four minutes until I can fart!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just had sex on a roof
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
