Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
