yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
