All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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