I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We had to coat check the pizza.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
