it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
