The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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