just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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