dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
A+ Viking dick
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
