I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
