Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
