Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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