So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
