So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
