What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I wear drunk well.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
