I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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