question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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