just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
