he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
