If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
