You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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