I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
